how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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