If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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