she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
