She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
