Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
