I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
