fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
