I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
