I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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