I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
