So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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