filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
