i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
