bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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