I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
