The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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