Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
