Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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