Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
