I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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