Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Rumble strips road head = magical
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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