I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
