if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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