This is not my ceiling
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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