brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
