ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
