I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
