I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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