how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I touched a dick in church today
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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