Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
