but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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