I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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