My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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