Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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