I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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