I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
