My underwear smells like fireworks.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
