So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
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