I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I woke up under a house in Key West
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
