I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
