Can i not drive my cunt home
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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