i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
