i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
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