dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
