Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
