i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
