I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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