You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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