drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
