I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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